Monday, June 13, 2005


Yeah, been a while. Not much has been happening, though that's about to change. This week I'll be shooting the last 3 episodes of Morty's for the season, and the dubbing will be next week. Then at the end of the week I'm flying back to TO to meet up with my younger brother, after which we will be joining my dad in Taiwan. Not really excited about it yet, focusing more on the things I have to do this week, but it's definitely going to be interesting.

When I get back from the trip, I'm also going to be going to my ex-girlfriend (Ursula)'s wedding. I suppose it's odd that I'm still even in touch with her to begin with. Honestly, I can't really say why we stay in contact. People have asked why, and my only response is, why not? Our breakup wasn't particularly acrimonious (as such things go), it just sort of...was.

Anyways, the point I wanted to make about going to the wedding is that the oddest thing for me so far has been the juxtaposition of that circumstance with my current one. I mean, marriage was something that we had discussed in passing (I suppose, as all young couples in love do), and I had a clear moment when I made the decision to return to New York, which I guess was the signal to her that I was breaking up with her, or that it was time for her to break up with me. So I honestly believe that it could have been me standing across from her at the altar. That life could have been mine. It's somewhat like the experience of looking up the people you went to high school or college with, and finding out that the majority of them are married, or are starting to have kids, while the very concept of having and raising a child at this age scares the living bejeezus out of me. Not that I'm averse to baby talk, or what-you-want-to-name-your-kids conversations, it's being up to the responsibility that comes with raising a child to be an intelligent, useful member of society that terrifies me. Anyways, finding out that all those people have already moved on to that point in their lives is the sort of thing that tends to freak you out in a very general sense. As I am right now, I don't want to be married. And yet, had I made my choices differently in life, I might not only want to be married, but I might be getting married in 4 weeks, or I might even already be married.

It's pretty possible though, now that I think about it, that even if I'd chosen to stay in Canada for the summer and work on my relationship, it still would have ended when I returned to New York. Perhaps that would have made this seem a little less like an episode of The Twilight Zone. But perhaps not - and I'll never know, because that choice has already been made. I'm sure there will be other times when I'll wonder what might have been, and I wonder if she ever has those thoughts.