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So, I just realized I typed up that whole post about the witty back-and-forth and then didn't talk about the content of the quote at all.

One of the things I love about reading older literature, which I tried to communicate in a previous post, is the recognition of themes and thoughts which have become dominant today, which might not necessarily have been at the time of their writing; in this case, the idea that a relationship legitimizes you, makes you somehow a better person because you have someone who supports and pushes you to be the best person you can be.

I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand I think it's accurate; we always want to please the ones we love. But it's very dangerous territory to tread, and I certainly don't think Eliot is necessarily positing such a perspective as good; it's simply an observational truth. Who among us hasn't changed to fit our perception of our lover's wants, only for them to turn around and say that we've changed, that we aren't the person that they fell for anymore? And then what are we left with, what remains of our identity, where do we go from there? Why do we do that to ourselves? And is there any way to avoid it?

I like to believe that there is. There will always be conflict in relationships, and there will always be temptations to do whatever is necessary to avoid those conflicts. I feel this in particular; due to my own history, I am intensely conflict-averse, and would often rather endure incredible inconveniences rather than create conflict. But maybe conflict is what defines relationships, maybe there is a healthy level of conflict which is vital to a successful relationship. Maybe if we accepted the inevitability of conflict and, instead of trying to avoid it, concentrated on apologizing, understanding and then moving on from it, we would never fall into the dance of trying to please, of mortgaging everything about ourselves that makes us dangerous and beautiful for a pair of pretty eyes.