Conversations with my Mother

"So what's Mike Anderson* doing these days?" (name changed to protect the innocent)
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"Yeah, I don't know; we lost touch, I haven't spoken to him in about 2-3 years."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Gosh...I guess all you kids became friends because you had the same dreams, and lost touch now that all your dreams are popping...popping like bubbles! Ha ha ha...popping like bubbles!"
"..."

Shit, this one I tried my hardest to remember word for word...I should have gotten up and typed it out right away. Oh well.
(opening my door somewhere between 3-5 am)
"John?"
"Uhhhhh?"
"Were you in trouble or anything?"
"Whaaa?"
"I remember, I tried to call you for about 2 weeks and you never picked up, were you in trouble?"
".....no?"
"No?"
"No." (at this point I'm remembering this time, it was because she needed these tax forms filled out and I hadn't gotten them done yet and I knew that was what she was going to call and bitch about so I just didn't pick up the phone)
"Nobody took all your money or anything?"
"No."
(she closes the door and steps out, only to return a moment later with this:)
"Are you gay?"
"...............no?"

Commentary later. Out to lunch.