We walk arm in arm along the rocky shore. I point out the lighthouse, its light wavering in the distance. “Can we go?” you ask. I smile, and pull you along. We hop from rock to rock as the waves crash around us, droplets of water struggling to find somewhere, anywhere to hold on to but failing, falling all around us only to be thrust up again with the next surge, and I wonder if there's a metaphor here I'm missing. There's an apology I keep feeling I owe you, but before I can remember it we arrive at the lighthouse, a gleaming tower with a candy cane swirl. “Race you,” you say, sprinting ahead into the tower. I run after you into the cool darkness and hear your laughter echoing up and down the stairs, see your smile in the dust motes that dance in the moonbeams. The wind carries me up, up, to the top of the tower, but you are gone. I sit on the edge of the tower, my legs dangling out into nothing and my chin resting on the iron railing, cold and real. The light stops turning, focusing its rays on a single point out in space. I stare and stare, and when I close my eyes I can see a purple afterimage of you on the lids, so close, and I wonder how long it's been since I last saw you, how long I've been waiting up on this tower for you, and if I'll ever have the courage to come back down.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Bookless No More
As usual, I probably bought one book too many, but such is life.
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
13. interpreter of maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
13. interpreter of maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri
Bookless Once More
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
Couldn't get to sleep last night, so I stayed up and finished it. It was fantastic, though the overall tone was, again, kinda sad. I feel like everything I've read lately has been on the sad side; I could probably use something happy and/or fluffy to break that up. Was looking at a couple Dalai Lama books yesterday; maybe one of those, though as non-fiction I'm not really sure if they qualify for the list or not. However, seeing as how this is my list, I'll say it does.
On a completely unrelated note, when the hell did postage rates go up? Suddenly it's 39 cents to send a letter, and since I can't be fucked to go get 2 cent stamps (do they even exist? I'm sure there must be some smaller denomination I could go get and which I probably should, but the stamps are already on the envelope and oh-my-God-I'm-totally-getting-ahead-of-the-story-here) I've got 2 37 cent stamps sitting on the stuff I need to send. What a waste. Damn the man!
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
Couldn't get to sleep last night, so I stayed up and finished it. It was fantastic, though the overall tone was, again, kinda sad. I feel like everything I've read lately has been on the sad side; I could probably use something happy and/or fluffy to break that up. Was looking at a couple Dalai Lama books yesterday; maybe one of those, though as non-fiction I'm not really sure if they qualify for the list or not. However, seeing as how this is my list, I'll say it does.
On a completely unrelated note, when the hell did postage rates go up? Suddenly it's 39 cents to send a letter, and since I can't be fucked to go get 2 cent stamps (do they even exist? I'm sure there must be some smaller denomination I could go get and which I probably should, but the stamps are already on the envelope and oh-my-God-I'm-totally-getting-ahead-of-the-story-here) I've got 2 37 cent stamps sitting on the stuff I need to send. What a waste. Damn the man!
Monday, February 27, 2006
Tao Lin
Was reading over his site and found a link to this piece he wrote. This bit just made me laugh:
I woke up at 12:30 p.m. and sat on my bed. I emailed people and ate cereal and that took three hours because I took my time. When I finished I didn't know what to do so I emailed some more people.
"All I've done today is email people and eat cereal," I emailed someone.
Ouch
Actually not in as much pain today as I thought I would be. Right hip's acting up and it's a little tough to move my neck, but other than that I'm feelin ok. Finished Great Gatsby...liked it a lot. Whether because of the tone of the book itself or because I'd picked up hints from scattered cultural references, as I was reading it I kept having a feeling that it wasn't going to end well, and it didn't. Well, it did and it didn't. I don't know that the real thrust of the book is the love affair; I feel like it's much more a commentary on America and American culture, that of self-improvement which the middle and lower classes are fed and buy into, only to find a whole different set of barriers that the rich have erected. And yet they continue to strive, continue to live and procreate. Maybe that's what's great about America, the blind, continual reaching for an unreachable goal; the innocence or naivety making you think you can get there if you work hard enough, learn the right things and get to know the right people. Cynicism aside, there is a beauty in that unwavering belief, I think.
Anyways, the updated book list:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
Looking forward to reading this one; it's a collection of short stories that I saw mentioned over here (which is also where I got the 50 book challenge/book list idea from). I love that site; every time I go there I see another new author to check out. Even going over there to link to it, I just found another person whose stuff I'm going to keep an eye out for: Tao Lin. Groovy!
Anyways, the updated book list:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
12. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers, Yiyun Li
Looking forward to reading this one; it's a collection of short stories that I saw mentioned over here (which is also where I got the 50 book challenge/book list idea from). I love that site; every time I go there I see another new author to check out. Even going over there to link to it, I just found another person whose stuff I'm going to keep an eye out for: Tao Lin. Groovy!
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Before I Forget
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
It's a lot shorter than I thought it would be; should be able to finish it pretty quickly. Also, since I've finished 10 books in 2 months, I'm totally on pace for 60 books in the year, which is cool since I think the original goal was 50. Go me!
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
11. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
It's a lot shorter than I thought it would be; should be able to finish it pretty quickly. Also, since I've finished 10 books in 2 months, I'm totally on pace for 60 books in the year, which is cool since I think the original goal was 50. Go me!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
To the Lighthouse
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
Really liked it. I think a lot of the modern fiction I've really enjoyed (Douglas Coupland, Jonathan Franzen, Amy Tan) owes a huge debt to it (and maybe Woolf in general, if all her stuff is like that) in that the focus always seems to be on all the things left unsaid between people, the little resentments and fears that lead to ever-growing chasms until one day you wake up and you realize you haven't talked to so-and-so in 6 years and what are they up to? Or even worse, they're still in your life and you hate them, but you don't know why, or you are completely ambivalent to them because you have no idea who they are, nor do you know how to start a simple conversation and get to know them again. For me, it's really that last one that hits home, because that's the way I feel about my family. They're a part of me, they're my flesh and blood and yet I feel like I don't know them at all. Or maybe, as Tan says, I do know them, know them intimately, because they are me; they helped make me who I am today, after all.
So much is always left unsaid, left in that grey area between actions and intentions.
The other side of that, and something that's illustrated in Lighthouse, is the joy that can be found in a relationship where things don't always need to be said. There's this brilliant passage between the Ramsays where the wife knows exactly what the husband wants and wants to give it to him because she loves him, but doesn't want to actually do it - why? Not out of pride, I don't think. There are plenty of times when her submissiveness towards him is made clear. I think it has to do with why they love each other in the first place; I think her spirit, her strength is part of what draws him to her, and also what makes it all the more important that she submit to him. Maybe verbalizing the sentiment cheapens it somehow, makes it seem less sincere. In the end it's communicated through looks and body language: he's content because he knows she loves him, she's content because she didn't have to verbalize it.
I miss that. I miss it a lot. I miss being able to know how the woman I'm in love with feels just by looking at her, I miss knowing she knows I'm upset by the way she squeezes my hand, I miss seeing all the little things that you get to see when people are unguarded around each other, the little vignettes that become the basis of your memories of a person. Some of this stuff might work its way into a little bit of writing I'm kicking around; the thought of a trip to a lighthouse has been a nice image for me since I started reading the book, but I wanted to finish it before I wrote anything.
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
Really liked it. I think a lot of the modern fiction I've really enjoyed (Douglas Coupland, Jonathan Franzen, Amy Tan) owes a huge debt to it (and maybe Woolf in general, if all her stuff is like that) in that the focus always seems to be on all the things left unsaid between people, the little resentments and fears that lead to ever-growing chasms until one day you wake up and you realize you haven't talked to so-and-so in 6 years and what are they up to? Or even worse, they're still in your life and you hate them, but you don't know why, or you are completely ambivalent to them because you have no idea who they are, nor do you know how to start a simple conversation and get to know them again. For me, it's really that last one that hits home, because that's the way I feel about my family. They're a part of me, they're my flesh and blood and yet I feel like I don't know them at all. Or maybe, as Tan says, I do know them, know them intimately, because they are me; they helped make me who I am today, after all.
So much is always left unsaid, left in that grey area between actions and intentions.
The other side of that, and something that's illustrated in Lighthouse, is the joy that can be found in a relationship where things don't always need to be said. There's this brilliant passage between the Ramsays where the wife knows exactly what the husband wants and wants to give it to him because she loves him, but doesn't want to actually do it - why? Not out of pride, I don't think. There are plenty of times when her submissiveness towards him is made clear. I think it has to do with why they love each other in the first place; I think her spirit, her strength is part of what draws him to her, and also what makes it all the more important that she submit to him. Maybe verbalizing the sentiment cheapens it somehow, makes it seem less sincere. In the end it's communicated through looks and body language: he's content because he knows she loves him, she's content because she didn't have to verbalize it.
I miss that. I miss it a lot. I miss being able to know how the woman I'm in love with feels just by looking at her, I miss knowing she knows I'm upset by the way she squeezes my hand, I miss seeing all the little things that you get to see when people are unguarded around each other, the little vignettes that become the basis of your memories of a person. Some of this stuff might work its way into a little bit of writing I'm kicking around; the thought of a trip to a lighthouse has been a nice image for me since I started reading the book, but I wanted to finish it before I wrote anything.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Happy Tired
Long day of shooting today, about 12 hours in total counting travel time. Like I've said though, it's nice being on this schedule. It's what you train for and aspire to, after all. Another hour or two tomorrow, some more assorted stuff on Friday and then a monster day on Sunday that I know will leave me sore for the next week and then these 3 episodes will be in the can.
I'm enjoying To the Lighthouse, and am finding it to actually be a relatively quick read. I think a part of that has to do with my reading style meshing with the writing style. I'm a quick reader, and when I read I tend to skim pretty quickly, picking out the major details and moving on. Sometimes that can lead to missed details, but when I encounter stuff like that I usually just scan back and re-read until I find it. To the Lighthouse, since it's written in such a stream-of-consciousness style, is filled with all these little digressions and tangents which probably could be critically analyzed to death (which would also, in my opinion, be tedious as hell), but since I'm mostly skimming as it is, I get them all in a flood, much in the way thoughts run, so I find it pretty comprehensible. Granted, sometimes there are passages where I have to slow down, or re-read a few times to make sure I'm following the thought, but it's (in my opinion, so far) a far more accessible work than Ulysses.
There is, I think, a darkness in the book that probably permeates all of her work, judging from the way her life turned out. It's like every character, especially the women, is screaming on the inside, screaming and hoping that someone, somewhere will hear and understand. There're all so repressed and constrained by the expectations of themselves and others that there's a fundamental disconnect, one that no character is completely able to bridge (so far).
I don't know how I feel about that. I think it's true, but maybe it doesn't have to be so depressing. Maybe that core of solitude can be something to be celebrated, the individual spark that makes us us, and even if others can't understand it, they can appreciate it - if you are willing to share it with them, to take that chance and open yourself. I'm not saying to do that with everyone you meet, but when you meet people special enough to be open and honest with, you can't be afraid, and you can't hold back.
I'm enjoying To the Lighthouse, and am finding it to actually be a relatively quick read. I think a part of that has to do with my reading style meshing with the writing style. I'm a quick reader, and when I read I tend to skim pretty quickly, picking out the major details and moving on. Sometimes that can lead to missed details, but when I encounter stuff like that I usually just scan back and re-read until I find it. To the Lighthouse, since it's written in such a stream-of-consciousness style, is filled with all these little digressions and tangents which probably could be critically analyzed to death (which would also, in my opinion, be tedious as hell), but since I'm mostly skimming as it is, I get them all in a flood, much in the way thoughts run, so I find it pretty comprehensible. Granted, sometimes there are passages where I have to slow down, or re-read a few times to make sure I'm following the thought, but it's (in my opinion, so far) a far more accessible work than Ulysses.
There is, I think, a darkness in the book that probably permeates all of her work, judging from the way her life turned out. It's like every character, especially the women, is screaming on the inside, screaming and hoping that someone, somewhere will hear and understand. There're all so repressed and constrained by the expectations of themselves and others that there's a fundamental disconnect, one that no character is completely able to bridge (so far).
I don't know how I feel about that. I think it's true, but maybe it doesn't have to be so depressing. Maybe that core of solitude can be something to be celebrated, the individual spark that makes us us, and even if others can't understand it, they can appreciate it - if you are willing to share it with them, to take that chance and open yourself. I'm not saying to do that with everyone you meet, but when you meet people special enough to be open and honest with, you can't be afraid, and you can't hold back.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Whee
Just started this as I was doing laundry (love the 24 hour Clean-Rite Laundry place below me!):
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
Figured it's a bit shorter than Ulysses, so maybe it'll be a bit more manageable. Here's hoping.
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
10. To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
Figured it's a bit shorter than Ulysses, so maybe it'll be a bit more manageable. Here's hoping.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
A Long One
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..
Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
trait snapshot:
introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, does not like to lead, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money, does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control
Also:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
I'm invincible!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
How Do You Know You Have No Dick?
When you ask your soon-to-be ex-wife for support payments. Nick Lachey! I salute you!
Whoops
So I was gonna go to this exhibit today but I just noticed it opens on Sunday. Maybe I'll hit the Cloisters instead. Just finished:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
It was a good read; brutal and unflinching. I feel like modern literature has moved in that direction, so reading it now it didn't seem so life-altering, but at the time of it's original publication ('93, I think), it was probably pretty explosive. A dude in one of my classes noticed me reading it and recommended Filth, also by Welsh; might pick that up somewhere down the road.
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
It was a good read; brutal and unflinching. I feel like modern literature has moved in that direction, so reading it now it didn't seem so life-altering, but at the time of it's original publication ('93, I think), it was probably pretty explosive. A dude in one of my classes noticed me reading it and recommended Filth, also by Welsh; might pick that up somewhere down the road.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Inspiration
www.picturesofwalls.com
Loosely inspired by the above picture:
Floating through dreams; am I awake or am I sleeping? Sweethearts scattered on the ground. So fine. New love. I'm me. I pick up the broken pieces of one, the message lost. In my mouth the words dissolve, are absorbed into my bloodstream and flow through my veins, become a part of me. Can you see me? Is there anybody out there? Floyd and mice blaming it on the tetons that revolve around the constellations, rotating through the sky in an endless cycle of days slipping through fingers, marking time by following the herd. Run away, run back, to the place I was before where bees buzzed and cymbals crashed. Fortunes are told and thought bubbles are popped, and who will remember us when we are gone? Can you spend your life running from the things you're afraid will catch you? Or will you inevitably fall behind, become dust to dust and ashes to ashes, glove is to hand as metaphor is to life. Don't you get the joke? Control. Release and you are free, hold fast and you are lost, swept away, swallowed by the ocean. We have all been left behind, forgotten by those we trusted and ignored by those we loved. For we are the dreamers of dreams, making mischief for ourselves to sort out: honeycombs of knots upon knots that we spend our lives unravelling, always unravelling until we are left with nothing but a single piece of string, measured out and measured with afternoons and coffee spoons. And T.S. Eliot.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Awesome
Saw this story off the Freakonomics blog (cool book, btw). Funniest thing I've read today:
The contest website, if you're interested, which is where the above quote came from.
“We’ll show the world we can do the best, sharpest, most offensive Jew hating cartoons ever published!” said Sandy “No Iranian will beat us on our home turf!”
The contest website, if you're interested, which is where the above quote came from.
He Got Game
So I've been flicking through The Game in my break between classes on Thursdays. It's an interesting book with some rather obvious observations in the second half of it that make it kind of hard to evaluate overall.
First, the whole PUA (pick-up artist, if you don't know) thing, or lifestyle, if you prefer. Is it wrong? As long as you (or said PUA) are honest about your intentions, I don't see how it can be. Yes, people will probably be hurt sometimes (he mentions a couple cases where that happens), but for the most part, it should be fine. To me, there's a certain attractiveness to the concept that an AFC (average fucking chump) can turn himself into a full-fledged PUA, can rise above whatever confidence issues he has and find things that will help him make himself more desirable to whoever he wants. I suppose it fits into my general ethos that self-improvement is possible, or at least pursuable. Stef called me a "fixer" once, in that I want to "fix" what I perceive to be wrong with me, and to a certain extent that's true, but I also think there are aspects of your personality that are worth hanging on to. The majority of personality traits have both negative and positive aspects to them, so you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss tendencies you might have. But that's another post, back to the book.
So next, Strauss comes to the first obvious observation: a hundred pages or so into the book, after he's gone off and become one of the acknowledged masters in the field, he notes (and I paraphrase) that the more he engaged in the game and the better he became at it, the more the women he pursued became objectified: instead of Stacie, Kelly and Brenda he thinks of the 9 from Miami, the 8 from LA and the 10 from New York. The game itself, and his performance, become the thrill.
Wow, didn't see that one coming.
It's inevitable, really: any time you spend so much effort in the pursuit of something it will become objectified in your mind. If it's already an object, then no worries. But with women, if you're teaching yourself how to access triggers, how to open conversations with any of them, how to make any woman you want like you back, then of course you have to objectify them; you have to reduce them to a set of predetermined responses to gambits that you will attempt over and over until you find the ones that work for that specific individual. If A then B, if C then B, but if D then E and you get to make out with her, get her number and sleep with her.
This is about where I got bored with the book, so I jumped to the end. I guess the little PUA communal house they'd established gets demolished (figuratively, of course) by younger, up-and-coming PUAs - plus Strauss meets "the one." The book ends with him coming to the "realization" (since I believe he does seminars on being a PUA to pay the bills) that The Game is all about superficiality, when really all the answers he needed and wanted were inside of himself; that when he found that one girl, all his tricks and routines went out the window and all he could be was himself, so he leaves the community to pursue a relationship with his chick.
Well, la-di-fucking-da, and isn't that all neat and tidy.
So learning the game gives you confidence to approach women you wouldn't have approached otherwise, and to attract women who might be way more attractive than you are. But aside from that, for long-term happiness, you're stuck with being yourself. It's the same Hollywood crap spouted in every romantic comedy about the player who sees the error of his ways when faced with emotional solitude for the rest of his life, and "settles down," never to stray again. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but emotional epiphanies certainly don't happen to all of them - look at Hugh Hefner. I also think it's kind of funny (though understandable) that relatively little is ever mentioned about how good PUAs are or should be in bed (though it is touched on in the book). I mean, wouldn't it be funny as hell if some guy could get any girl to sleep with him, but he was the worst lover in the world?
Anyways, I've been reading over here about nights out with PUAs and such for a while now, and I guess the biggest thing about them is they're fun to hang out with, and I'm sure they are, but again, why the emphasis on the superficiality? What's so hard or undesirable about going out and being yourself, sitting and having a real conversation with someone? Are people that uninteresting these days?
Actually, I can answer that, most of them are. Heh.
First, the whole PUA (pick-up artist, if you don't know) thing, or lifestyle, if you prefer. Is it wrong? As long as you (or said PUA) are honest about your intentions, I don't see how it can be. Yes, people will probably be hurt sometimes (he mentions a couple cases where that happens), but for the most part, it should be fine. To me, there's a certain attractiveness to the concept that an AFC (average fucking chump) can turn himself into a full-fledged PUA, can rise above whatever confidence issues he has and find things that will help him make himself more desirable to whoever he wants. I suppose it fits into my general ethos that self-improvement is possible, or at least pursuable. Stef called me a "fixer" once, in that I want to "fix" what I perceive to be wrong with me, and to a certain extent that's true, but I also think there are aspects of your personality that are worth hanging on to. The majority of personality traits have both negative and positive aspects to them, so you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss tendencies you might have. But that's another post, back to the book.
So next, Strauss comes to the first obvious observation: a hundred pages or so into the book, after he's gone off and become one of the acknowledged masters in the field, he notes (and I paraphrase) that the more he engaged in the game and the better he became at it, the more the women he pursued became objectified: instead of Stacie, Kelly and Brenda he thinks of the 9 from Miami, the 8 from LA and the 10 from New York. The game itself, and his performance, become the thrill.
Wow, didn't see that one coming.
It's inevitable, really: any time you spend so much effort in the pursuit of something it will become objectified in your mind. If it's already an object, then no worries. But with women, if you're teaching yourself how to access triggers, how to open conversations with any of them, how to make any woman you want like you back, then of course you have to objectify them; you have to reduce them to a set of predetermined responses to gambits that you will attempt over and over until you find the ones that work for that specific individual. If A then B, if C then B, but if D then E and you get to make out with her, get her number and sleep with her.
This is about where I got bored with the book, so I jumped to the end. I guess the little PUA communal house they'd established gets demolished (figuratively, of course) by younger, up-and-coming PUAs - plus Strauss meets "the one." The book ends with him coming to the "realization" (since I believe he does seminars on being a PUA to pay the bills) that The Game is all about superficiality, when really all the answers he needed and wanted were inside of himself; that when he found that one girl, all his tricks and routines went out the window and all he could be was himself, so he leaves the community to pursue a relationship with his chick.
Well, la-di-fucking-da, and isn't that all neat and tidy.
So learning the game gives you confidence to approach women you wouldn't have approached otherwise, and to attract women who might be way more attractive than you are. But aside from that, for long-term happiness, you're stuck with being yourself. It's the same Hollywood crap spouted in every romantic comedy about the player who sees the error of his ways when faced with emotional solitude for the rest of his life, and "settles down," never to stray again. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but emotional epiphanies certainly don't happen to all of them - look at Hugh Hefner. I also think it's kind of funny (though understandable) that relatively little is ever mentioned about how good PUAs are or should be in bed (though it is touched on in the book). I mean, wouldn't it be funny as hell if some guy could get any girl to sleep with him, but he was the worst lover in the world?
Anyways, I've been reading over here about nights out with PUAs and such for a while now, and I guess the biggest thing about them is they're fun to hang out with, and I'm sure they are, but again, why the emphasis on the superficiality? What's so hard or undesirable about going out and being yourself, sitting and having a real conversation with someone? Are people that uninteresting these days?
Actually, I can answer that, most of them are. Heh.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
So Much to Do, So Little Time
Today's my only day off this week, so I'm sittin around. Just finished some reading for my modern foreign lit class; we've started with Africa and honestly it's all kind of the same. Soldiers run around and beat people, steal shit and kill and no-one can do anything about it. I mean, I understand that's the experience there, that's been the daily reality for the majority of the continent for the last 10 years or more and no-one in the West ever cares or notices, and I'm not knocking the authors themselves, it just gets a bit tiresome reading it over and over and over. At least the stories tend to be short.
Unfortunately, as usually happens when I have a lot of time sitting around doing relatively little, I keep wanting to buy shit. Yesterday I heard a Clap Your Hands Say Yeah song on the radio (I'd heard about them before and had been considering picking up their album offa iTunes for a while) and someone mentioned that they sounded like Modest Mouse, so today on a whim I picked up the CYHSY album and one by Modest Mouse, as well. There's just so much, especially in terms of music and books, that I'm always hearing about that I want to know, want to experience, that when I'm sitting around or walking through a bookstore I can't help myself.
Anyways, the bands are pretty funky, I'd recommend them with a caveat: it's a very eclectic sound, so it might not appeal to everyone. Lots of interesting things going on in the songs though, good background music that I'm more than happy to put on repeat in the background as I putter around the apartment. Oh, and speaking of books:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
Unfortunately, as usually happens when I have a lot of time sitting around doing relatively little, I keep wanting to buy shit. Yesterday I heard a Clap Your Hands Say Yeah song on the radio (I'd heard about them before and had been considering picking up their album offa iTunes for a while) and someone mentioned that they sounded like Modest Mouse, so today on a whim I picked up the CYHSY album and one by Modest Mouse, as well. There's just so much, especially in terms of music and books, that I'm always hearing about that I want to know, want to experience, that when I'm sitting around or walking through a bookstore I can't help myself.
Anyways, the bands are pretty funky, I'd recommend them with a caveat: it's a very eclectic sound, so it might not appeal to everyone. Lots of interesting things going on in the songs though, good background music that I'm more than happy to put on repeat in the background as I putter around the apartment. Oh, and speaking of books:
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
9. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Astro Looove Shit
Isn't this fun? It's totally trite and I can copy-paste shit from here because I gotta be at my shoot for 9:30. There's totally more but I didn't want to post all THAT much. Happy Valentine's Day!
Ascendant in Libra
With your Ascendant in Libra, you have almost an addiction to physical beauty and grace in sexuality.
If there is a disadvantage to this position, it is that you idealize love so much that it is difficult for any partner to live up to your expectations, both physically and emotionally. Occasionally you must come down to earth, for otherwise you may set your sights too high for any realistic relationship.
In most relationships, you are the one who develops ideas rather than the one who thinks of them. However, you must give your lover plenty of room for personal development and avoid the temptation to be manipulative in order to get your way.
If the relationship is well balanced, you can shape and articulate it to the point that others will see you both as "beautiful people."
Sun in Leo Leo is the sign of the lover, and the Sun here gives your personality grace, generosity and charm. You give and receive love freely, and you surround your partner with tenderness and affection. Your innate tendency is to lavish affection on your partner, which may startle or overwhelm someone who is not accustomed to it. You can give out too much of good thing. Do not expect your lover to return your affections in the same style. Even the deepest love can be expressed in many different ways, which you may have to search for. You are a very loyal partner, as long as you are given freedom to be. You must also grant that same right to your lover and avoid possessiveness or jealousy. Loyalty comes from the heart, and you will know through feelings rather than actions if a partner is right for you. Whenever you have problems in a relationship, analyze them with your feelings, not your mind.
Moon in Sagittarius
Even in scenes that would cause others to be downhearted or discouraged, you can find a spark of laughter and mirth that brightens the situation and makes it more enjoyable.
You should find a lover who shares your easygoing and broad approach to life.
Probably you have a very rich fantasy life, which some people might consider overabundant. But you create fantasies for their own sake basically, and you enjoy creating them as much as fulfilling them.
In the long run, your style of loving is more in the spirit of a warm, friendly fireplace on a late fall night: merry, comforting, the essence of happy comradeship. Venus in Cancer Your appetite for love is very strong, but you do not usually satisfy it in a regular, even way. Rather, it builds up for a long period of time and when it does find release, it is often quite explosive. For you, love at its best is an all-encompassing experience in which you completely possess and dissolve into your lover in such a way that the barriers between your personalities are washed away. True devotion must rest on mutual strength and trust between equals, so you should avoid the sometimes natural desire to totally own or be owned by your lover. Mars in Libra You are likely to be the one who instigates change within a relationship, and your affairs are seldom static. Although you may be consciously trying to bring about change in a spirit of honest adjustment and possibly conciliation, you may slip into a pattern of shifting and change for its own sake. Be very sure that something needs to be changed before rearranging. You are so interested in fairness within a relationship that you will take a back seat if you feel it will serve the interests of equality. In physical affection, you are very considerate and anxious to please, making a point of knowing what your partner enjoys. Your style is quite active and volatile, and you are at your best with someone who is similarly responsive.
V-Day Pome!
I brought you roses
Roses full in bloom
Petals soft and red as lips
To be kissed
Curving mischief
Kinking upwards in your crooked smile
That I see
In dreams.
“What are these for?”
You asked.
“I don't know.” A lie.
“Really?” Crook.
One for that smile
One for your grace
And one for your laugh.
One for the way you hold me
One for the wrinkle in your nose
And one for the way you look at me.
Do you remember the day we met?
Do you
Take me
For who I am?
I do
Take you
I do.
I brought you roses
Roses full in bloom
With one bud left unopened
For the love yet to come.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Food for Thought
Trying to unwind and get tired, as I have to be up to get ready to shoot tomorrow at 9ish. Here's my horoscope for tomorrow from that new site I linked in the previous post:
A Personal Challenge
Valid during many months: You will only be able to tap into the positive energy of this influence if you are prepared to deal with personal challenges which you would usually shy away from. During this time you will somehow come to question the meaning of human suffering. You might have to cope with the emotional suffering of a close friend, or if politically or socially active with the problems caused by structures within society. These things could remind you of any personal wounds, together with your own weakness and need for help which you would rather not admit to having.It is now especially important to neither look away nor to merely comfort or help yourself or others. You now need to try and understand the meaning of such suffering so that you can accept and come to terms with it. Trying to avoid this difficult issue will lead to problems and resistance in those areas where you want to develop and evolve. Any such difficulties are merely trying to make you aware of your evasive tendencies. If on the other hand you can face up to this problem this influence will help you to come up with unusual interpretations and explanations for all manner of things.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Stars! Stars! Stars!
Found a new astrology site over here, think I saw it mentioned in a book I skimmed through the other day. A sample from my thingie:
Fun!
You were born with the Sun in Leo and the Moon in Sagittarius. Both signs combine to make you a fiery, ardent, and very temperamental individual. Internally, you are proud; you have the potential to command and exert power. You have a big heart and are generous, strong-willed, reliable, and very fixed in principles and opinions. You shine as a leader and have sufficient creativeness for business and private enterprises. You have an excess of vitality, which gives you vast ability in many activities. Leo's influence will incline you to do everything on a rather large scale. If you overstress these traits, you will appear as domineering and egotistical, always refusing to be content with second place. Your affections may become too patronizing, and your feeling of personal nobility may lead you to treat others as inferiors. Externally, your personality does not differ very much from your inner life. People view personalities having the Moon in Sagittarius as intelligent and inquisitive. In sexual matters you are a difficult person. On one side is the pride of Leo, which makes you delicate to handle where sentiments are concerned. However, because of Sagittarius, you are ardent and enthusiastic but inconstant. This might change if the relationship is important to you. The secret for a better integration of your being is to work in a field that allows you to express and protect your natural urges.At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Libra was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Venus is located in the tenth house.
This denotes a life in which the native adopts an attitude which is courteous, kind, and affectionate.
People with Libra Ascendant are basically motivated by feeling and emotion rather than intellectuality. Your life will demonstrate your keenness of observation, and a tendency to effect comparisons largely of an aesthetic nature. You will not display too much energy in your actions and, therefore, there is a tendency toward following routine and the lines of the least resistance. You are a sympathetic person who seeks the approval of others and is also very adaptable. Your intuition is remarkable and you derive sensual gratification from engaging in social intercourse, by loving all social aspects of life.
If you do not control this tendency to be so involved in human relationships, you may become too attached and over dependent.
Some restlessness, changeability and lack of persistence is noted in your life. Your main feature is that of constantly favoring the fusing of two things or people together.
Unfortunately, this involvement with harmonizing and adjusting people to one another, tends to make the native a little unrealistic and lacking in action. You will be, however, easy going and congenial, socially oriented and preoccupied with adornments, clothing, social conventions, standards, and aesthetics. In love, if you cause the relationship to be a serious one, you will find that the affair is the consequence of your own interest in flattering yourself rather than to satisfy any profound emotion.
Professionally, you will be inclined to activities which require a high degree of culture and even artistic knowledge.
You will find your life geared to the satisfaction of social needs: promotion lies with assistance from acquaintances and other connections: and perhaps certain fame is achieved from artistic activities. You are one of those rare persons who has the necessary tools for achieving success in life without losing sight of his moral principles.
There are forecasts for general prosperity and you are going to enjoy the privilege of protection by important personage.
Fun!
Clerks
Between yesterday and today I've been on a weird 90s kick; playing lotsa Pearl Jam and such, would have watched Empire Records if I had it but I don't so I settled on the Special Features disc of Clerks X (the recent 10 year anniversary edition).
It's inspiring to find out that the actors involved all auditioned and had been active at the local community theater at the time of their casting; that they all shot the movie between the hours of 11 pm and 5 am while working day jobs to pay their bills. Sometimes as you're working, it's hard to stay committed and focused on going to all the piddly productions that crop up along the way, and doing your work. Obviously if the script is poor you can tell the film probably isn't going anywhere, but if it's a good script, you never know what might happen.
On that note, Morty's begins shooting season 2 this week and next, so I'm going to be bombed and busy. It's been a while since I've been on this schedule so it'll be nice. Already recorded a couple assorted bits in studio (I feel a bit funny calling it that since it's an office, but whatever) and I've had the scripts for a week or two now; I think this season is gonna be good.
It's inspiring to find out that the actors involved all auditioned and had been active at the local community theater at the time of their casting; that they all shot the movie between the hours of 11 pm and 5 am while working day jobs to pay their bills. Sometimes as you're working, it's hard to stay committed and focused on going to all the piddly productions that crop up along the way, and doing your work. Obviously if the script is poor you can tell the film probably isn't going anywhere, but if it's a good script, you never know what might happen.
On that note, Morty's begins shooting season 2 this week and next, so I'm going to be bombed and busy. It's been a while since I've been on this schedule so it'll be nice. Already recorded a couple assorted bits in studio (I feel a bit funny calling it that since it's an office, but whatever) and I've had the scripts for a week or two now; I think this season is gonna be good.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Waking Life
One day I woke up and the skies were purple streaked with gold. I looked and the buildings were burning, and at the tops I could see people jumping, flying and falling, silhouetted against the flames. Poured myself a drink of water, cold water black as night that sucked the warmth out of everything around it, and as I drank it I could feel myself dying, minute by minute and hour by hour. Down the street I hear music playing, guitars crashing against drums, chords that I heard once and can't quite remember now. I wish I could be back there, back in that place when I heard the tune for the first time, a place when everything seemed safe and known, but now I'm floating in a sea of ink, clutching onto pieces of paper that float by and trying to find the land, trying to find the light somewhere in the murk. And it's funny because I thought I'd found it, once, but I let it get away, or it ran away from me, or maybe it just faded away like things do. I guess it doesn't matter, but it sure is funny. I just can't quite seem to find the laughter.
Meep
| Your Five Variable Love Profile |
 Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together. |
Friday, February 10, 2006
Drama Drama Drama
So what is it about fucked up people? I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. Probably too nice, if anything. The other night I was out with Cassie and she mentioned that one of the things she loved and hated about me was that I let people get away with so much. Partially that's because I really do think people should have the freedom to make their own choices, and partially because who the hell am I to tell them what to do when I have only the vaguest idea of what's going on with my life.
She's right. I'm incredibly passive-aggressive at times. Well, if at times means most of the time. All of the time. Whatever. Suffice to say, I'm working on that aspect of myself. It's only when people either refuse to make choices and sit there waffling or consistently make retarded choices that I get irritated. I don't really think it gets you anywhere to comment though; I'd rather just avoid that person entirely. Sometimes that's probably not the best approach, but sometimes it probably is, so it balances. Hopefully.
Anyways, we've been having this problem with a former roommate, we'll call him Al(coholic). He and Cassie were dating, and now they're not, and he's threatened her and broken into her room to talk to her on numerous occasions, prompting her to get an extra deadbolt and install it on her door. He's been out of the apartment for a month or two now, and in that time he's come around a number of times (once a party and once yesterday, but I'm getting ahead of myself now).
Yesterday Cassie comes home (you know, maybe I should make up a nickname for her...oh well) and the doorman goes, hey, here's your mail key. And Cassie (understandably enough) goes, how the fuck do you have the mail key (probably not literally)? And the dude goes, oh, that dude who used to be with you, he left it here for you.
So basically, Al came into our apartment (he obviously still has his house key), grabbed the mail key from where it was hanging, went down and checked our mail, then left the key with the dude at the front. He could, of course, have hung it up again and no-one would have been the wiser, but I have a theory here.
See, Al is not a normal person. Al is actually quite a manipulator. He comes across as a great, fun, nice guy, but I'm pretty sure he almost always has ulterior motives. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, perhaps not. But what other reason is there for leaving it at the front, if not to send the message, "I was here"? And what kind of retarded juvenile shit is that, anyways? How about you just fuck the hell off, like any normal, decent human being would. Oh, but then if he was a normal, decent human being, they probably wouldn't have had the problems they had. Anyways.
So today I check the mail and, lo and behold, there's a paycheck waiting for him. Let's ignore the question of why the FUCK he didn't change his address already either at the post office (probably because he gets up, on average, at 4 pm most days after having been up till 9-10 am on a combination of alcohol and coke) or with the entertainment company he works with; this is at least the 3rd one that's arrived for him. So I AIM him (only way I have of getting in contact with him) and tell him I have it. He says to give it to the roommate we have (that he recommended to us...trying to decide if we want to kick his ass out since he's essentially the same person) and he'll give him the key tonight.
Now, how dumb does he think I am? Does he seriously think I'm going to just give it away like that and rely on him to remember and actually give the key back? No, see, I gave him plenty of chances for that: once when he was leaving and he said he left it in dude's room (a lie, as when I saw him later he said he had it on him), and in the weeks since then when he could have stopped off and dropped it off, or given it to dude, or stuck it in a fucking envelope and mailed it. Clearly, he's a lying piece of shit and I see no need to indulge him. So I say, how about you give the key to dude and THEN I'll give him the check, or you can give me the key and I'll give you the check. So he says ok, and a pile of shit about how he wants this to go down tonight, and I'm like the sooner the better, fucktard.
The thing is, I know this won't necessarily stop him from getting in the apartment. I can think of at least 3 different ways he could still get in, one of which works into the whole paranoia thing; see, while he was living here he made sure to make friends with as many people as he could, some of whom were our next-door neighbors, who share a fire escape with us. That window on our side can't be locked, so it's easy enough to get into the building, knock on their door, ask to use the fire escape (we've done that before when people have forgotten keys), and bingo. But Al has to be made to understand (as far as I can do so) that he needs to stay the fuck out. He assumed once (mid-January) that he could sleep here, that I would let him in so he could crash in dude's room. I believe his exact words were, "Cassie has work tomorrow, she'll never know." I looked at him and said, "I don't care where you go, I don't care how long it takes you to get there, but you're not coming upstairs with me."
Man, get the fucking picture. Is he the only one who can't see how much he affects her? Can anyone be that dumb? Because the only other option is that he sees exactly how much he affects her and is deliberately acting this way. And that's fucking toxic bullshit that no-one needs or deserves.
What makes me feel bad is that the thing that's really beginning to bug the fuck out of me isn't so much a sense of protection for Cassie, it's that when she goes to pieces because he's been in the apartment, she becomes insanely upset for an hour or two (at least), and it bothers me; it's a serious pain in the ass. Still, I suppose acting out of selfish reasons is better than not acting at all. I'll go work off my karmic debt by giving some change to homeless people this week, I guess.
Oh, and the other reason I'm posting this? Somewhat morbid and melodramatic, I suppose; Al, in his drunken/high on coke ravings to Cassie, has apparently made threats towards me as well. I also know that (as a dealer) he's spoken of wanting/needing a gun. So just in case something really fucked up happens, this is here. Sad, isn't it?
She's right. I'm incredibly passive-aggressive at times. Well, if at times means most of the time. All of the time. Whatever. Suffice to say, I'm working on that aspect of myself. It's only when people either refuse to make choices and sit there waffling or consistently make retarded choices that I get irritated. I don't really think it gets you anywhere to comment though; I'd rather just avoid that person entirely. Sometimes that's probably not the best approach, but sometimes it probably is, so it balances. Hopefully.
Anyways, we've been having this problem with a former roommate, we'll call him Al(coholic). He and Cassie were dating, and now they're not, and he's threatened her and broken into her room to talk to her on numerous occasions, prompting her to get an extra deadbolt and install it on her door. He's been out of the apartment for a month or two now, and in that time he's come around a number of times (once a party and once yesterday, but I'm getting ahead of myself now).
Yesterday Cassie comes home (you know, maybe I should make up a nickname for her...oh well) and the doorman goes, hey, here's your mail key. And Cassie (understandably enough) goes, how the fuck do you have the mail key (probably not literally)? And the dude goes, oh, that dude who used to be with you, he left it here for you.
So basically, Al came into our apartment (he obviously still has his house key), grabbed the mail key from where it was hanging, went down and checked our mail, then left the key with the dude at the front. He could, of course, have hung it up again and no-one would have been the wiser, but I have a theory here.
See, Al is not a normal person. Al is actually quite a manipulator. He comes across as a great, fun, nice guy, but I'm pretty sure he almost always has ulterior motives. Perhaps I'm being paranoid, perhaps not. But what other reason is there for leaving it at the front, if not to send the message, "I was here"? And what kind of retarded juvenile shit is that, anyways? How about you just fuck the hell off, like any normal, decent human being would. Oh, but then if he was a normal, decent human being, they probably wouldn't have had the problems they had. Anyways.
So today I check the mail and, lo and behold, there's a paycheck waiting for him. Let's ignore the question of why the FUCK he didn't change his address already either at the post office (probably because he gets up, on average, at 4 pm most days after having been up till 9-10 am on a combination of alcohol and coke) or with the entertainment company he works with; this is at least the 3rd one that's arrived for him. So I AIM him (only way I have of getting in contact with him) and tell him I have it. He says to give it to the roommate we have (that he recommended to us...trying to decide if we want to kick his ass out since he's essentially the same person) and he'll give him the key tonight.
Now, how dumb does he think I am? Does he seriously think I'm going to just give it away like that and rely on him to remember and actually give the key back? No, see, I gave him plenty of chances for that: once when he was leaving and he said he left it in dude's room (a lie, as when I saw him later he said he had it on him), and in the weeks since then when he could have stopped off and dropped it off, or given it to dude, or stuck it in a fucking envelope and mailed it. Clearly, he's a lying piece of shit and I see no need to indulge him. So I say, how about you give the key to dude and THEN I'll give him the check, or you can give me the key and I'll give you the check. So he says ok, and a pile of shit about how he wants this to go down tonight, and I'm like the sooner the better, fucktard.
The thing is, I know this won't necessarily stop him from getting in the apartment. I can think of at least 3 different ways he could still get in, one of which works into the whole paranoia thing; see, while he was living here he made sure to make friends with as many people as he could, some of whom were our next-door neighbors, who share a fire escape with us. That window on our side can't be locked, so it's easy enough to get into the building, knock on their door, ask to use the fire escape (we've done that before when people have forgotten keys), and bingo. But Al has to be made to understand (as far as I can do so) that he needs to stay the fuck out. He assumed once (mid-January) that he could sleep here, that I would let him in so he could crash in dude's room. I believe his exact words were, "Cassie has work tomorrow, she'll never know." I looked at him and said, "I don't care where you go, I don't care how long it takes you to get there, but you're not coming upstairs with me."
Man, get the fucking picture. Is he the only one who can't see how much he affects her? Can anyone be that dumb? Because the only other option is that he sees exactly how much he affects her and is deliberately acting this way. And that's fucking toxic bullshit that no-one needs or deserves.
What makes me feel bad is that the thing that's really beginning to bug the fuck out of me isn't so much a sense of protection for Cassie, it's that when she goes to pieces because he's been in the apartment, she becomes insanely upset for an hour or two (at least), and it bothers me; it's a serious pain in the ass. Still, I suppose acting out of selfish reasons is better than not acting at all. I'll go work off my karmic debt by giving some change to homeless people this week, I guess.
Oh, and the other reason I'm posting this? Somewhat morbid and melodramatic, I suppose; Al, in his drunken/high on coke ravings to Cassie, has apparently made threats towards me as well. I also know that (as a dealer) he's spoken of wanting/needing a gun. So just in case something really fucked up happens, this is here. Sad, isn't it?
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Valentine's Day is Coming
Ha ha, I typed "coming".
Anyways, I'm not really a Valentine's Day hater. I mean, yes, it's a manufactured holiday. It's not even really a holiday, I suppose; you don't get a day off or anything. Whatever. But yeah, it's totally fake. But hey, if it's about love and telling the person you love (should you happen to be in love) that you love them, I can't see anything wrong with that. I think when you're in love with someone, you can never say those special three little words enough. Well, you can, but only if it's like...the only words you two ever say to each other, that's just fucking irritating. And on that note:
Anyways, I'm not really a Valentine's Day hater. I mean, yes, it's a manufactured holiday. It's not even really a holiday, I suppose; you don't get a day off or anything. Whatever. But yeah, it's totally fake. But hey, if it's about love and telling the person you love (should you happen to be in love) that you love them, I can't see anything wrong with that. I think when you're in love with someone, you can never say those special three little words enough. Well, you can, but only if it's like...the only words you two ever say to each other, that's just fucking irritating. And on that note:
| Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
 A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
Sweet
1. The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
So yeah...finished Morte D'Arthur. Pretty fun.
Been thinking for a bit about the whole Lancelot-Guenever thing and whether or not it's sad or just irritating. I mean, on the one hand, you can't control how you feel for people. You can, however, control what you do about it. Guenever comes across as a raging bitch for most of the book; not only is she cheating on Arthur, she's pretty mean to Lancelot. I guess it's understandable, seeing as how he does go off and have a kid with some other lady, but still. He's the best knight in the world, man, people are gonna want to get with him.
Is it really tragic when people do things that are wrong, know that they're wrong but can't help themselves? Or does it just make you want to slap them upside the head and tell them to grow the fuck up? I don't really want to get into a, "What is the nature of tragedy" thing (though I do have the Poetics sitting over here to be read sometime) because I think those conversations (and this isn't even a conversation, or if it is it's incredibly one-sided, which I suppose some of my conversations end up being sometimes and holy cow this is becoming a long parenthetical) tend to be overly abstract and academic when you're talking about a more emotional, visceral reaction. I mean, when you see or read something, you know if you find it sad or not. So is it sad, or do they just get what they deserve?
It's kind of like how I felt about Wuthering Heights when I read that; I mean, yes, it's sad that Heathcliff is so restricted by his circumstances, and was unable to pursue Catherine, but what does he go and do with that? He comes back and repays all the people who treated him so badly with the same pain and hatred. Is it any wonder that he then turns into a bitter man? You get back what you put out into the world, so is Heathcliff really a tragic character? Or again, just a grown man acting like a spoiled child, throwing a tantrum because he's refused the one thing he wanted, focused on that one thing to the exclusion or deliberate destruction of everything else in his life that he could have been thankful for; someone who could use a good slapping.
I don't know. It's somewhat callous to say, I suppose, but the reality is, shit happens (the Buddhist equivalent of this idea is that life is difficult, but shit happens is a bit punchier). It does. It happens to everyone. So what are you going to do when shit happens? Cry? Run? Make life miserable for those around you? Or stand up, face it and take care of business. I don't mean to say you can avoid sadness completely, that's not healthy either, but neither is wallowing in it, being self-indulgent. At some point you've got to stand up and take responsibility for the things you can control, and for the people in your life who depend on you and who are important to you.
2. On the Road, Jack Kerouac
3. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
4. Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
5. Sideways, Rex Pickett
6. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
7. Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory
8. The Sonnets, William Shakespeare
So yeah...finished Morte D'Arthur. Pretty fun.
Been thinking for a bit about the whole Lancelot-Guenever thing and whether or not it's sad or just irritating. I mean, on the one hand, you can't control how you feel for people. You can, however, control what you do about it. Guenever comes across as a raging bitch for most of the book; not only is she cheating on Arthur, she's pretty mean to Lancelot. I guess it's understandable, seeing as how he does go off and have a kid with some other lady, but still. He's the best knight in the world, man, people are gonna want to get with him.
Is it really tragic when people do things that are wrong, know that they're wrong but can't help themselves? Or does it just make you want to slap them upside the head and tell them to grow the fuck up? I don't really want to get into a, "What is the nature of tragedy" thing (though I do have the Poetics sitting over here to be read sometime) because I think those conversations (and this isn't even a conversation, or if it is it's incredibly one-sided, which I suppose some of my conversations end up being sometimes and holy cow this is becoming a long parenthetical) tend to be overly abstract and academic when you're talking about a more emotional, visceral reaction. I mean, when you see or read something, you know if you find it sad or not. So is it sad, or do they just get what they deserve?
It's kind of like how I felt about Wuthering Heights when I read that; I mean, yes, it's sad that Heathcliff is so restricted by his circumstances, and was unable to pursue Catherine, but what does he go and do with that? He comes back and repays all the people who treated him so badly with the same pain and hatred. Is it any wonder that he then turns into a bitter man? You get back what you put out into the world, so is Heathcliff really a tragic character? Or again, just a grown man acting like a spoiled child, throwing a tantrum because he's refused the one thing he wanted, focused on that one thing to the exclusion or deliberate destruction of everything else in his life that he could have been thankful for; someone who could use a good slapping.
I don't know. It's somewhat callous to say, I suppose, but the reality is, shit happens (the Buddhist equivalent of this idea is that life is difficult, but shit happens is a bit punchier). It does. It happens to everyone. So what are you going to do when shit happens? Cry? Run? Make life miserable for those around you? Or stand up, face it and take care of business. I don't mean to say you can avoid sadness completely, that's not healthy either, but neither is wallowing in it, being self-indulgent. At some point you've got to stand up and take responsibility for the things you can control, and for the people in your life who depend on you and who are important to you.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Fun in Times Square
Found (was brought) to a cool new place (not new new, but new in the I've-never-been-before sense) in the Times Square area; Rudy's, at 44th and 9th. Decent place, jukebox is pretty good, prices are ok but the real capper: a free hot dog with every drink! Free! Hot dogs! Awesome.
Needless to say, today has been spent sleeping off a whole lot of alcohol and hot dogs.
Needless to say, today has been spent sleeping off a whole lot of alcohol and hot dogs.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Speaking of Bork
Wasn't sure whether or not I should post this one, but oh well:
| You Are Kermit |
 Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies! |
Extra Peanut Butter for Everyone!
From OverheardinNewYork:
Woman: We'll have the perfectly peanut butter sundae.
Store girl: Okay, sure.
Man: Come on, you know I fucking hate the taste of peanut butter!
Woman: Are you kidding me? I ate your jizz just a couple of hours ago, I think you eating the ice cream I want would be a decent fucking compromise!
Store girl: ...Um...Yeah, so...I'm taking that as extra peanut butter.
--Dylan's Candy Bar, 3rd Avenue
That poor employee. On a side note, did you know that the Dylan of Dylan's Candy Bar is Dylan Lauren? As in Ralph Lauren's kid? Well, if you didn't...now you do.Bork Bork Bork!
Fascinating (if long) article over here about Sweden:
I always find it interesting to hear American perspectives on the welfare state. Canada's welfare state was nowhere near Sweden's, of course, but aspects of it even remain today, after about two decades of cuts necessitated by NAFTA and changing global circumstances; perhaps even the rise in diversity mentioned in the article.
It's always important to remember that no system is perfect. I remember when Bill Clinton had his heart surgery a few months back I read a gloating editorial in the Post (I know, I know, I'm a little ashamed of the fact that I read the Post, but it's 25 cents, the sports section is decent and the editorials make me laugh because they're written by retards) talking about how if the US had a national health care system like Canada, Clinton would have had to wait in line to have his operation, and probably wouldn't have been able to get into the operating room for 4-6 months at the least. This is, of course, true, as is the documented (in Canada, at least) lengths people will go to to avoid such lines, with people who can afford it making the trip to Buffalo or California or wherever to have MRIs, CAT scans and even full out operations. The rich, however (which Clinton is now, though he wasn't at the time that he was president), will almost always be able to find ways to circumvent the system.
I also think it's interesting how the article seems to imply that immigration and disintegration (not in the sense of being turned into little bits of nothing by a raygun but in the sense of not being integrated into a society)/socio-economic poorness go together. I mean, why is that? Is there any way to make immigrants associate more with their new country than their original ones, to avoid the dreaded hyphenated citizen?
Yesterday when I was coming home with a friend there was a pile of black kids on the train with us, your typical urban youths. And as we were walking on the street, she pointed out that those kids, probably 18-20, were each wearing outfits worth close to or in excess of $1,000 (shoes $300, jeans $200, shirt $40, cap $40, jacket $400). She mentioned how she loved New York because of the opportunity, the energy, and yet also hated it because of the way it eats people up and grinds them down, because of the cycle that it creates and that you could see in those young men; how they had bought into a specific lifestyle, and what were they going to do with the rest of their lives? Is it racist to assume those kids probably aren't going to be working on Wall Street? Or is it realistic? Because honestly, the paradigm of success in America (if not the world) is white male. It is. You can talk all you like about how it shouldn't be (and it shouldn't), but the reality is that it is, so while academics and politicians can spout rhetoric about changing it, the rest of us had better figure out how to live our lives while accounting for it.
But then, what's so white about speaking english properly? About saying ask instead of axe, or not saying nigga every other word? What's so white about wanting more out of your life than making some girl pregnant at 18 and working at CVS or McDonald's to pay the bills and buy your bling? People make it out. It can be done. Don't people want more for themselves than living and dying in the ghettos?
I know I do.
And yes, I'm sure they do and maybe they don't have the resources; maybe they don't go to school because their school sucks, but you can't solve problems like this just by throwing money at it because there are institutional obstacles, ingrained in the culture. That's what I love about The Boondocks; it's all about self-examination and questioning those assumptions made about what it means to be "black," a process that any minority should pay attention to and can learn from, obviously not for specific details, but in the bigger picture.
The welfare state has its cultural contradictions, too. It rests on consensus, which is another way of saying a lack of cultural variety.
I always find it interesting to hear American perspectives on the welfare state. Canada's welfare state was nowhere near Sweden's, of course, but aspects of it even remain today, after about two decades of cuts necessitated by NAFTA and changing global circumstances; perhaps even the rise in diversity mentioned in the article.
It's always important to remember that no system is perfect. I remember when Bill Clinton had his heart surgery a few months back I read a gloating editorial in the Post (I know, I know, I'm a little ashamed of the fact that I read the Post, but it's 25 cents, the sports section is decent and the editorials make me laugh because they're written by retards) talking about how if the US had a national health care system like Canada, Clinton would have had to wait in line to have his operation, and probably wouldn't have been able to get into the operating room for 4-6 months at the least. This is, of course, true, as is the documented (in Canada, at least) lengths people will go to to avoid such lines, with people who can afford it making the trip to Buffalo or California or wherever to have MRIs, CAT scans and even full out operations. The rich, however (which Clinton is now, though he wasn't at the time that he was president), will almost always be able to find ways to circumvent the system.
I also think it's interesting how the article seems to imply that immigration and disintegration (not in the sense of being turned into little bits of nothing by a raygun but in the sense of not being integrated into a society)/socio-economic poorness go together. I mean, why is that? Is there any way to make immigrants associate more with their new country than their original ones, to avoid the dreaded hyphenated citizen?
Yesterday when I was coming home with a friend there was a pile of black kids on the train with us, your typical urban youths. And as we were walking on the street, she pointed out that those kids, probably 18-20, were each wearing outfits worth close to or in excess of $1,000 (shoes $300, jeans $200, shirt $40, cap $40, jacket $400). She mentioned how she loved New York because of the opportunity, the energy, and yet also hated it because of the way it eats people up and grinds them down, because of the cycle that it creates and that you could see in those young men; how they had bought into a specific lifestyle, and what were they going to do with the rest of their lives? Is it racist to assume those kids probably aren't going to be working on Wall Street? Or is it realistic? Because honestly, the paradigm of success in America (if not the world) is white male. It is. You can talk all you like about how it shouldn't be (and it shouldn't), but the reality is that it is, so while academics and politicians can spout rhetoric about changing it, the rest of us had better figure out how to live our lives while accounting for it.
But then, what's so white about speaking english properly? About saying ask instead of axe, or not saying nigga every other word? What's so white about wanting more out of your life than making some girl pregnant at 18 and working at CVS or McDonald's to pay the bills and buy your bling? People make it out. It can be done. Don't people want more for themselves than living and dying in the ghettos?
I know I do.
And yes, I'm sure they do and maybe they don't have the resources; maybe they don't go to school because their school sucks, but you can't solve problems like this just by throwing money at it because there are institutional obstacles, ingrained in the culture. That's what I love about The Boondocks; it's all about self-examination and questioning those assumptions made about what it means to be "black," a process that any minority should pay attention to and can learn from, obviously not for specific details, but in the bigger picture.
Speaking of iTunes
The current top 25 played songs (after I reset a few play counts on some embarassing ones):
Mr. Brightside, The Killers
Surrounded, Chantal Kreviazuk
Solsbury Hill, Peter Gabriel
City of Blinding Lights, U2
Friday I'm in Love, The Cure
Do You Wanna Dance, The Ramones
You and Me, Lifehouse
Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls
Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard
The Trapeze Swinger, Iron and Wine
Ahead by a Century, The Tragically Hip
Butterfly, Weezer
Me and Bobby McGee, Janis Joplin
Voodoo Child, Jimi Hendrix
Sabotage, Beastie Boys
Piece of My Heart (Live), Janis Joplin
Because of You, Kelly Clarkson
Something in the Way (Live), Nirvana
This Modern Love, Bloc Party
Positive Tension, Bloc Party
Cut Your Hair, Pavement
Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads
Here, There and Everywhere, The Beatles
The Boondocks Theme Song, Asheru
Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown), The Beatles
Hm...looking at this, there's one or two more that might need to be reset.
Mr. Brightside, The Killers
Surrounded, Chantal Kreviazuk
Solsbury Hill, Peter Gabriel
City of Blinding Lights, U2
Friday I'm in Love, The Cure
Do You Wanna Dance, The Ramones
You and Me, Lifehouse
Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls
Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard
The Trapeze Swinger, Iron and Wine
Ahead by a Century, The Tragically Hip
Butterfly, Weezer
Me and Bobby McGee, Janis Joplin
Voodoo Child, Jimi Hendrix
Sabotage, Beastie Boys
Piece of My Heart (Live), Janis Joplin
Because of You, Kelly Clarkson
Something in the Way (Live), Nirvana
This Modern Love, Bloc Party
Positive Tension, Bloc Party
Cut Your Hair, Pavement
Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads
Here, There and Everywhere, The Beatles
The Boondocks Theme Song, Asheru
Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown), The Beatles
Hm...looking at this, there's one or two more that might need to be reset.
Master of My Domain
# of songs purchased today (well, yesterday): 0
Take that, you capitalist pig dogs!
Take that, you capitalist pig dogs!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Adventures in Dining
An interesting/irritating thing I noticed last night that's happened to me a few times out here (I don't think it ever happened to me back in Canada): every now and then when I'm out with someone, the server doesn't pay any attention to me.
What I mean by this is when they stop by and ask if we want anything, they don't even so much as glance in my direction. Last night I was out with a friend, and she asks the server for another drink, and I'm tryin to get her attention so I can get another as well, but she just whirls and scurries off to the kitchen. What the fuck is that? If anything, it's just making more work, because then she brings out the one drink, turns to me and goes, "Did you want anything?" and I was going to say no because I was irritated and the moment had passed but then I was like, fuck that, and ordered another anyways.
I know, go me. Fight the power!
Come to think of it, this only tends to happen to me when I'm out with cute girls, though the sex of the server hasn't mattered. Maybe I need uglier friends.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, I totally haven't bought anything off iTunes today. Yet.
What I mean by this is when they stop by and ask if we want anything, they don't even so much as glance in my direction. Last night I was out with a friend, and she asks the server for another drink, and I'm tryin to get her attention so I can get another as well, but she just whirls and scurries off to the kitchen. What the fuck is that? If anything, it's just making more work, because then she brings out the one drink, turns to me and goes, "Did you want anything?" and I was going to say no because I was irritated and the moment had passed but then I was like, fuck that, and ordered another anyways.
I know, go me. Fight the power!
Come to think of it, this only tends to happen to me when I'm out with cute girls, though the sex of the server hasn't mattered. Maybe I need uglier friends.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, I totally haven't bought anything off iTunes today. Yet.
A Bull in a Music Shop
Why is it that the iTunes store captivates me so? Even when I'm on the short side for cash, I still seem unable to prevent myself from picking up an album or two. I just got a Ramones album (Rocket to Russia) yesterday and today I'm back on there looking over Little Richard, Elvis, Clash and this 50s imix filled with AWESOME songs...I just know that before this day is over I'm going to end up buying something. Sigh.
Friday, February 03, 2006
English Kuh-Nig-Its
So I've been making pretty good progress in Morte D'Arthur; partway through the Grail quest now, which, of course, meant that I had to watch Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. So I did. And it was good.
It's interesting; I remember reading an essay (and I can't quite remember where; it might actually be the introduction to the very edition I'm reading) talking about the construction of myth, and why stories come out the way they are - this is also a topic being touched on in my Greek myth class. Anyways, the point that was being made about the Arthurian legends was that they, like many myths, actually take their subject matter from earlier stories and reframe it for the specific region and circumstances they're in. This helps to explain the moral ambiguity of the work as a whole; in the beginning, physical prowess seems to be emphasized; Kay, Gawaine and Lancelot are the main people featured. Tristan and Lamorak come along and their stories are told; this is also when Lancelot and Guenevere's situation unfolds a bit more, so that's knightly love for their ladies which is being presented and extolled. And then Jebus comes along, and by Jebus I mean the Grail quest.
The Grail quest starts a whole new perspective on the world of Arthur, because while Christian dogma is mentioned along the way in passing, it's at this point that it really comes to the fore. Lancelot and Gawaine are limited in their quests because they are too worldly, because of their very deeds of "valor" achieved earlier in the book, which are now revealed to be blasphemous because while God granted them the strength to achieve, they went out and did their thing for their own glory. Meanwhile Galahad, being pure of mind and deed, has been riding around beating the crap out of every other knight he's encountered. It's pretty cool.
So, to sum up: myth is cool, I like myth. Wanna read more; actually I'd been hoping my Greek Myth class would be older myths: not so much Illiad and stuff but things like Leda and the Swan and Orpheus and Eurydice, partially because stories like those are used as the basis for a lot of older art, but also because the more movies I watch and books I read, the more I realize that there really aren't any new stories, just reformulations of old ones.
It's interesting; I remember reading an essay (and I can't quite remember where; it might actually be the introduction to the very edition I'm reading) talking about the construction of myth, and why stories come out the way they are - this is also a topic being touched on in my Greek myth class. Anyways, the point that was being made about the Arthurian legends was that they, like many myths, actually take their subject matter from earlier stories and reframe it for the specific region and circumstances they're in. This helps to explain the moral ambiguity of the work as a whole; in the beginning, physical prowess seems to be emphasized; Kay, Gawaine and Lancelot are the main people featured. Tristan and Lamorak come along and their stories are told; this is also when Lancelot and Guenevere's situation unfolds a bit more, so that's knightly love for their ladies which is being presented and extolled. And then Jebus comes along, and by Jebus I mean the Grail quest.
The Grail quest starts a whole new perspective on the world of Arthur, because while Christian dogma is mentioned along the way in passing, it's at this point that it really comes to the fore. Lancelot and Gawaine are limited in their quests because they are too worldly, because of their very deeds of "valor" achieved earlier in the book, which are now revealed to be blasphemous because while God granted them the strength to achieve, they went out and did their thing for their own glory. Meanwhile Galahad, being pure of mind and deed, has been riding around beating the crap out of every other knight he's encountered. It's pretty cool.
So, to sum up: myth is cool, I like myth. Wanna read more; actually I'd been hoping my Greek Myth class would be older myths: not so much Illiad and stuff but things like Leda and the Swan and Orpheus and Eurydice, partially because stories like those are used as the basis for a lot of older art, but also because the more movies I watch and books I read, the more I realize that there really aren't any new stories, just reformulations of old ones.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Bored Am I
...and when bored am I, talk like Yoda do I sometimes. Like Yoda type, that is, suppose I.
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
 Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I Remember
I remember
sidelong glances
kisses in the cold
butterflies and eskimos.
I remember
futures planned
todays lived
laughter and tears
pain and joy.
I remember
the way you looked that night
with the stars on your ears and the moon in your lips
curving gracefully as you laughed
and danced.
I remember
glasses filled to the brim with conversation
tilted again and again as we drank our fill
of each other.
I remember
walking through echoing galleries
happy leaves and sad water lilies
bebopping to the rhythm
of the passing people
and us.
I remember
a twisted fire escape with flaking paint
halfway between the gutters and the sky
and your smile.
I remember
flickers of candlelight
alabaster
whispering sheets.
I remember.
sidelong glances
kisses in the cold
butterflies and eskimos.
I remember
futures planned
todays lived
laughter and tears
pain and joy.
I remember
the way you looked that night
with the stars on your ears and the moon in your lips
curving gracefully as you laughed
and danced.
I remember
glasses filled to the brim with conversation
tilted again and again as we drank our fill
of each other.
I remember
walking through echoing galleries
happy leaves and sad water lilies
bebopping to the rhythm
of the passing people
and us.
I remember
a twisted fire escape with flaking paint
halfway between the gutters and the sky
and your smile.
I remember
flickers of candlelight
alabaster
whispering sheets.
I remember.
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